I Love You Because
by SillyBeautifulOversensitiveGrl
Summary: Edward is a straight-laced greeting card writer with a broken heart. Bella is a playful girl looking for a rebound guy to tide her over until she meets Mister Right. She decides to go for the absolute wrong guy. What happens when these two meet? Can they fall in love? Or will her anything goes attitude intimidate him? EXB. OOC. Rated M for language and citrus. Canon couples.
1. Another Saturday Night in New York

**AN: This story is based on an off-Broadway musical called I Love You Because. I know it's not original, but I was listening to the soundtrack today and I thought that it would be the perfect story! **

**Each chapter is titled after one of the songs from the show. There will be 18 chapters in total. A lot of the dialogue will be from the songs. If you get a chance to listen to this show, I highly recommend it! No, they aren't busting out into song while they are walking around New York. Also, some of these chapters may be shorter than others. This chapter in particular isn't very long.**

**All credit goes to Stephanie Meyer for the characters, and to Ryan Cunningham and Joshua Salzman for the music.**

**Let me know what y'all think!**

**-*-* ILYB *-*-**

**Chapter 1: Another Saturday Night In New York**

'_Dear Victoria,_

_Life is like a see-saw:_

_It's a lot more fun with someone else.'_

"She is going to love that! I am a master of greeting card writing," Edward said to himself, eyeing the small card that he made for his girlfriend, the love of his life: Victoria. Victoria was the most beautiful girl that he had ever seen, and he planned on spending the rest of his life with her.

Glancing up at the clock, he saw that he was right on time to head to her place for their Saturday night date. He stands, making his way into the bathroom to check his appearance once more.

"Brushed my teeth in the shower, shampooed twice," he mutters to himself, bringing his hands to check his hair, again, to ensure that it is perfect. He had cleaned and primped for an hour, before applying his Old Spice deodorant to ensure that he was perfect for their date.

Grabbing his suit jacket, card, and keys, he heads out to go and pick up the love of his life. It's just another Saturday night in New York. He slipped his arms into his jacket, placing the card in the inside pocket, and his keys in his pants pocket as he turned out of his apartment's courtyard.

As Edward walked down 86th, he began to run through the evening he has planned with Victoria. 'We're off to have dinner and drink some wine.' Picturing the love of his life, a smile spread across his lips. Every night he felt like a winner because Victoria was his. Sometimes it felt like he was flying so high that he couldn't even see the ground and that people could see him all the way down the Long Island Sound. He sighs, smiling to himself. It's just another Saturday night in New York.

There was something about New York City that Edward loved. It's like the city itself was funny. After all, when you're in love, everything seems perfect. Even the cabbies honk their horns in a perfect symphony. You could tip your hat to the ladies and they smile at you. Even every 'Up yours!' 'Screw you!' and 'Watch it, jerk!' was in perfect harmony.

As he walked, Edward saw the flower shop that he stopped at every Saturday to grab a bouquet for his love. He smiled, knowing that they will put a smile on her face, just like they do every time. He exits the shop and continues the short walk to Victoria's apartment. 'All is perfect. What can go wrong? When I die, can I bring the whole city along?' he thought to himself. He checked his watch and saw that he was still making good time.

As he rounded the corner in front of her apartment, he paused to look at his reflection in a car window, ensuring that his copper colored hair was still perfect. He always wanted to be perfect for Victoria. He adjusted his suit, taking the time to make sure that his tie was straight as well. He approached the steps to head inside of her building just as an older woman was exiting. He grabbed the door, holding it so that the elderly woman could walk straight out. He stepped in, allowing the door to shut behind him. As he ascended the stairs to her second floor apartment, Edward couldn't help but smirk at the thought that he was going to be with Victoria for the rest of his life.

He reached the second floor landing in no time and saw that her door was cracked open. She must have assumed that he would be there shortly. Granted, he hated how unsafe this was. New York City isn't exactly the safest city in the world. He sighed, shaking his head before opening the door and stepping in.

There are times in our lives that we can prepare for. However, what Edward saw next could not have been expected. She was the love of his life, how could she do this? The flowers dropped out of his hand and hit the floor with a soft thud as his jaw dropped.

"What the fuck, Victoria?!" he yelled as he felt his world crumbling around him.

"Edward?" Victoria asked, covering her body quickly, her eyes as wide as saucers. Edward could feel his heart shattering as he gaped at his girlfriend.

"Who in the fuck is this?!" Edward shouted, his eyes glancing over the other man that was in bed with his girlfriend. The man who had his naked girlfriend riding on top of him.

"Edward, I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way," Victoria mutters, removing herself from atop the gentleman.

His heart hammered in his chest as he began to take steps away from the scene before him. He couldn't be there anymore.

Turning out of the apartment, he took the card from his pocket, and set it on the table next to the front door. He closed the door behind him, and made his way back out to the street.

**-*-* ILYB *-*-**

**Let me know what you guys think!**


	2. Oh, What A Difference

**AN: I hope you guys like this one! Emmett makes me laugh in this chapter. I love him, though!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight. I own this pack of cigarettes that is keeping me awake, and a can of Diet Coke that is telling me to share with a 'Star.' Gonna drink it anyway!**

**Chapter 2: Oh, What a Difference**

_O'Brien's Bar in Midtown_

"Hey, waitress? Is your name 'Summer?'" Emmett asked as the waitress set his beer down on the table.

Puzzled, she looked down at her name tag, which clearly read 'Alice.'

"Um, no… why do you ask?" she questioned, tilting her head and arching her brow at him.

"Because you're hot," Emmett answered, a smirk playing across his lips as he chuckled to himself.

Alice sighed and rolled her eyes at him, shaking her head. "Very clever," she stated, taking a step back.

"I just made it up," Emmett replied, the smirk on his face turning into a sly grin.

She laughed at him, looking over his appearance. "It's written on your shirt."

Emmett looked down at his shirt and shook his head, chuckling at the little pixie of a waitress in front him. "I have a magic shirt that writes what I'm thinking," he lied, his gaze returning to her.

Before Alice could say anything, Jasper, the bartender, steps up behind Alice, his hand touching her arm to get her attention. "Hey, we just got a new shipment in. Can you help me in the back, please?"

She smiled in response, and turned away from Emmett and doesn't look back as she follows Jasper to the back of the bar.

A few minutes later, Edward walked into the bar, his shirt crumped and his hair a disaster. This was as a result of his fingers raking through it. Spotting his brother Emmett, he walked over to his booth and dropped down into the seat across from his friend.

"Hey! Whoa, what happened to you?" Emmett asks.

"I walked in on Victoria and another guy," Edward mutters, placing his elbows on the table and putting his head in his hands.

"Man! That is the shittiest thing ever! You have to feel like shit. Do you?"

Edward's head snaps up as he glares at Emmett. "Yeah."

"You gotta feel like you're up shit's creek without a ladder."

Sighing, Edward corrected him: "Paddle."

Emmett stood and walked around the table. "Paddle. Want a hug?"

Edward stood as well, nodding. "Yeah, I might like that."

Emmett wrapped his arms around his brother, squeezing tightly and smacking Edward's back twice, knocking the breath out of him.

"Yeah, I didn't like that," Edward rasps, going to sit down.

"Let me try again," Emmett said, holding his arms out.

"Easy, Emmett."

Emmett returned to his seat, getting excited at the prospect of his best friend and brother being single again. "Listen, you're single now, Edward! You can do all of the stuff you wanted to do, but couldn't because you were with Victoria. You and I can paint the town, again, together. Edward and Emmett, the Cullen Brothers, back on the scene!"

Edward could almost feel Emmett's enthusiasm, a slight smile forming on his lips. "That might be nice," he stated.

Emmett guffawed, "For the ladies, yeah. Remember back when you were single? Before you met Victoria? I remember this one time, you called me and you were psyched! You had met this beautiful girl who was funny and thought _you_ were funny and you hit it off! You were having the time of your life. You can do that kind of stuff again, now. Remember that?"

Edward sighed and ran his fingers through his hair again. "Yeah, Emmett. That girl was Victoria."

Emmett's smile faded away and he sighed. "Damn."

Another waitress stops by and quickly grabs a beer for Edward as well, setting it on the table, giving Edward a once over before she walks away.

Edward sighed, cringing at the waitress who just blatantly checked him out before taking a long pull of his beer. "I have to win her back, Emmett."

Emmett shook his head adamantly. "I'll have to kill you."

Exasperated, Edward slammed his bottle on the table. "Emmett, we were supposed to get married! Just last week we were talking about moving upstate soon and getting out of the city. We were going to be starting our lives together! I've planned my whole life around her, and now she's gone. I can't imagine being without her," he whined.

Emmett sighed, looking up at his brother with a serious expression on his face. "Picture it like this: 'Hi, I'm Edward. I'm not dating a heartless skank who cheats on me."

Edward groaned, grabbing for his beer again. "Emmett, please," he begged, rolling his eyes before taking another pull off of his bottle.

"Fine, Edward. There's only one way to win a woman back. But, I'm gonna tell you… it's kind of iconic."

"Ironic?"

Emmett accepted the correction. His brother had always been smarter. "Ironic. I mean, Edward, look at you! You're a mess. You want Victoria back, for some reason. Well, here's how," he began, pausing for a few moments.

"How?" Edward asked, getting fed up with his brother's dramatics.

Emmett smirks and leans in towards Edward, before rearranging his features to a serious face. "Pretend… you couldn't… care less."

Edward leaned back with a huff, rolling his eyes again. "Have you _met_ me? Do you really think that I can just move on that easily?"

Emmett leaned back and took a swig of his beer before responding. "You want her back, right?" When Edward confirmed, he continued. "Then there is just one think that you need to know." He paused again, enjoying watching his brother's irritation.

"And that is?"

"Forget her. Boom! Kaput! She's gone! Women come back when you move on. They become fed up with you and they list all of the things that you are lacking in. So, you go out and find someone new, and then, guess what? They want you back. See what a difference a little indifference makes?"

Edward stared at his brother in disbelief. It couldn't possibly be that easy. "If this were true, don't you think that everyone would know about it?"

Emmett looked around the bar until he saw a prime example. He leaned in so his brother could hear him better as he dropped down the volume of his voice. "See that guy crying in his beer? A girl walks up to him and blows in his ear. Next thing you know, she's taking off her clothes. His ex may have moved on, but, trust me, she knows. The new girl will say, 'Let's have sex! No strings attached.' He'll say 'Okay,' completely in shock. Then his cell phone will ring and it's his ex-girlfriend. All of the sudden, she just 'wants to talk.'"

Seeing that his brother is starting to believe him, he smiled. "Come on, Edward! We can hit the town and go somewhere loud. We'll both get smashed. It's me, bro. I won't let you down. She's a memory! Just let it fade," he pleads. "We'll have each other's backs, let loose, and even relax. Who knows? You might even get laid!"

"Emmett, I don't know," Edward muttered, shaking his head. It, really, can't be that damn easy, right?

"Come on, Edward, if you go out and have fun, Victoria will sense it! Women have a sick sense about this stuff," Emmett pled.

"Sixth?" Edward supplied.

"No. Sick."

Edward sighed, and then chuckled; shaking his head before signaling to the waitress that he'd like another beer. She quickly brought it to him and walks away, but not before eye-fucking him again.

"Come on, Edward! Let's go out and forget the past. Please? Edward and Emmett back together, at last."

Edward nodded, praying that his brother knew what he was talking about, in this instance. "Fine."

"That's what I'm talking about! I'll get us dates!"

Edward smiled, a genuine smile, at his brother. "You know what? I know this bar that Victoria _hates_!"

"We'll do what we used to do! Then, look, Victoria's back for more," Emmett said, a smile playing across his lips before he slammed the rest of his beer.

Edward laughed, "I'll say, 'Oh my God! You're back?! Victoria, have you met the door?"

Emmett laughed heartily and nods. "See what a difference a little indifference can make? Let's go!"

Throwing bills on the table, Emmett and Edward left the bar and head back to Emmett's place for the evening. Edward, instantly, felt better with this plan. He knew that his brother wouldn't steer him wrong.

**-ILYB-**

**Alright, folks! Tell me what you think! Isn't Emmett hilarious?!**

**Until next time!**

**-Bree (a.k.a. SBOG)**


	3. The Actuary Song

**AN: Hello everyone! I apologize for the delay in getting this to you! It's been a crazy few weeks!**

**As always: Disclaimer – I OWN NOTHING. NOT BETA'D.**

**Let's meet Bella and Rosalie, shall we?**

**Chapter 3: The Actuary Song**

"I'm sorry about this, Bella. They've got to be around here somewhere! And since you don't believe in carrying keys, they are our only set," Rosalie huffed, searching through the couch cushions. She had been searching for fifteen minutes so that they could go out and get something to drink.

Bella sighed, staring out of the small window in the living room at the bustling city around their tiny apartment. Contemplating her recent break up, Bella slowly turned to look at her best friend slash roommate.

"I did the right thing, right?" she asked Rose, who was still on the hunt for their keys. Bella sighed and scoffed at herself. "Of course I did the right thing. Right? I mean, I always do the right thing because I listen to my heart and follow my gut. So, I did the right thing. Right?"

Rosalie plopped on the couch and crossed her arms. She brought her index finger up to her lower lip and began to slowly swipe it. "If I were my keys, where would I be?" she asked herself. Looking around the room, she saw her purse and stood, grabbing it from the recliner. She plopped back down on the couch and began rummaging through the contents, filtering through old receipts.

Bella sighed again, questioning everything for the 100th time since that afternoon. "But what if I'm wrong? What if with Jacob is where I belong?" she pondered aloud. She sighed again, shaking her head in frustration. "But my gut says, 'Bella, I know it's tough. It's time to end this. You've had enough.'"

Bella turned to her best friend as she grabbed a few sleeves of unopened condoms out of her purse.

Rosalie gasped. "What if somebody _stole_ my keys?!" she whispered to herself, oblivious of Bella's ongoing battle with her life choices.

Bella turned back to the window, still deep in thought. "At first, he was fun and I thought to myself, 'maybe he's what I was put here for.' Yet, I always thought that we would turn into something… more," she finished, drawing her lower lip between her teeth.

Feeling a sense of renewed strength, Bella released her lip and placed her hands on her hips. "So, that's it. I'm done dating Jacob." That renewed strength quickly crumbled. "I know that I should be in fucking seventh heaven right now, but I still can hear his damn voice. So, Rosalie, I need you to tell me that I made the right choice."

She turned and looked at her friend again, expectantly.

Rosalie stood and sighed. "I swear to God, they were right-" Rose halted, bringing her hand down to her pocket. She slipped her fingers in and felt the metal ring. "HERE they are!" she exclaimed.

Bella moved her hands around her in a 'come-on-answer-me' gesture and Rose, finally, caught on. "I'm sorry, Bella. Were you saying something?"

Bella nodded, rolling her eyes at her best friend. "I was saying that breaking up with Jacob was the right choice, right?" she questioned, for hopefully the last time that night.

Rosalie took a few steps towards her friend, linking their arms. "Bella, I've been meaning to tell you this for a while. Jacob is a dog."

Bella's jaw dropped as she snorted, derisively. "You've been meaning to tell me that? I mean, shit, Rose, I dated him for **two **_**years**_. You didn't think to tell me sooner?"

Rosalie's eyes turned into a glare. "I _did_ say something. 'Hey, Bella, don't you think that it's weird that Jacob doesn't hold the door open for you?' 'Hey, Bella, don't you think it's _weird_ that Jacob **forgot** your birthday?' 'Hey, Bella, isn't it a little weird that in the two years that you two have been dating, Jacob _never_ said 'I love you?''"

Bella sighed, bringing her hands up in resignation. "Okay, okay. I get the point," she muttered, her gaze fixed on the toes of her shoes.

Rosalie shook her head. "Bella, you were in love with him. There was only so much that I could do, ya know?"

"Yeah, but, he was an _artist_," Bella replied, dreamily. "He was a free spirit. AND a _vegan_!"

Rosalie smirked. "And a dog."

Suddenly, realization hit Bella. "You know what, Rose? I've gotta get back out there! I just wasted two years of my life on a dead-end relationship! I mean, my perfect man is out there waiting for me. God only knows what he has been doing for the past two years! Let's go!"

Bella started to pull on Rosalie's arms to drag her out of the apartment.

Standing her ground, Rosalie chanted, "Wait, Bella. Wait."

Bella stopped pulling her friend and stared at her.

"Bella, you can't just jump back out there! Not after a two year relationship! Dating is not a wild free-for all. It is a game of numbers," Rosalie stated, her eyes locked firmly on Bella's so that she would get the gravity of what she was saying.

Bella smirked, tilting her head. "To _you_. You're an actuary."

Rosalie grinned and shook her head. "No, sweetie. It's for everyone. Everything about dating can be figured out with numbers. Don't call until the third day after the date. No sex until four weeks into a relationship. A woman with more than five sexual partners is a slut, but a woman with less than three is a prude. This brings us to the math involved in _your_ situation, Bella."

Bella gasped, confusion already muddling her brain. Numbers were never her strongest suit. She was a photographer, for Christ's sake! She tried to capture the beauty of the human spirit. Not fucking numbers.

"What math?! I'm not even in a relationship right now!"

"Well, this is still an important time for you, and you'll need to figure out how long it will be."

Bella sighed, grabbing Rosalie's hands. "Rose, I _really __**tried**_ with Jacob, and here I am, again: alone. I'll do anything, damn it. Just tell me what you're talking about."

Rosalie squeezed Bella's fingers, looking into her eyes once more. "Rebound time."

Bella giggled, letting out a small breath of relief. "OH! Like six months, right?"

Rosalie chuckled, shaking her head.

"No. It's as simple as, okay, let me break it down for you. Take your 'relationship length,' or 'RL.' Your first year of 'RL' is worth six month's recovery. The second year is worth exactly half that."

Bella chuckled, exasperated, because she was beginning to get confused again.

"Now, don't you laugh. Each year is worth one half the lack of worth the year before was worth. Your aches and pains will soon diminish. So, rebound time, 'RT', is the fraction of the year that it takes for the pain to disappear. You go through 'RT' and then finish. Your 'RT' is important, you can't shorten it. Don't even try."

Bella tried to interject, "But what if I-"

Rosalie interrupted again. "So, you can date around, but then those guys will just be rebound men. That's what 'RT' is all about. And it's as simple as that."

Bella sighed, shaking her head as she began to pace. Math made her antsy. "So, I give it time, and then find the one? I'm gonna go out and I'll get him once my rebound time is done? You see, I have this picture in my mind. It's even as clear as black and white. He'll be everything I've ever dreamed of," she sighed dreamily. "I'm gonna find Mr. Right. Yes?"

Rosalie shook her head again as she began to pace in counterpoint, automatically thinking of the rules. "No. We still need to find your rebound time. Some factors can make a relationship feel long. Such as, how right the break up felt or the way that things went wrong. If you ask me, it's plain to see, that there are three things to consider when it's all to be configured: your 'RL'. It can change. I know it may sound strange, but what matters is how long it _feels_ like you dated. This will be your new 'RL'. We'll call it your 'adjusted RL.' Or just 'ARL.'"

Bella plopped down on the couch, her hands covering her face. Since when did dating get this complicated? This was some bullshit.

"And it's the 'ARL' that changes with several factors. One, what number boyfriend was he? Was it low or was it high? This is also known as the 'Number Boyfriend Index' or the 'NBI.' This really matters, because it's four divided by three plus the number boyfriend that he was. Two: the 'Who Broke Up With Whom Concept.' We'll call it the 'WBUWWC.' If he dumped you, you multiply by five fourths. If you dumped him, you multiply by three fourths. Lastly, number three: the bitterness factor. Rate the bitterness of the breakup on a scale of one to ten. You take that number, divide by point five and then you get the 'BF.' It's as simple as that!"

Bella's eyes were as wide as saucers and she could feel a headache coming on. "Rosalie, what is my rebound time, then?"

Rosalie walked over to her desktop calculator, turning it on. "Well, you dated for two years. He was your twenty-seventh boyfriend. Based on how you're reacting to the breakup, I'd say the bitterness is about a five. So, it's like you dated for a year!"

Bella sat up quickly, gasping. "You know, it _felt_ like that!"

Rosalie turned to face her friend again, a smirk playing across her lips. "Exactly! This puts your rebound time at six months. Officially."

Bella sighed, putting her face in her hands. "Wasn't that what I said five fucking minutes ago?"

Rosalie stood, making her way over to the couch to sit next to her friend. "But, now it's proven."

Bella turned again, staring at her friend in exasperation. "So, I'll give it time and begin to heal. Once I'm done with rebound time, it'll be time to bring on someone real?"

Bella sighed, a dreamy look making her eyes glassy. "We'll have all the same thoughts, and we'll never ever fight! He'll be everything I've ever dreamed of," she stated, with new determination. "I'm gonna find Mr. Right."

Rosalie grimaced. "Well, Bella, it's not that simple. Some of my friends found their perfect man. However, just before they got him, they dated the worst man possible. I mean, they hit boyfriend rock bottom."

Bella felt like she was beginning to understand. "So, in order to find my perfect man, I'll need to find someone who's perfectly wrong? I'm in New York, that shouldn't take too long."

Rosalie nodded, gazing warmly at her friend. "You've gotta find Mr. Wrong while you're in 'RT.' Otherwise you'll repeat this cycle forever, just like me."

Bella sighed, "So I need to find Mr. Wrong within the next six months so that I can find Mr. Right?"

Rosalie smiled and nodded. "Exactly."

Bella stood, making her way to the door.

"Where are you going?" Rosalie asked.

"I need a fucking drink."

**-ILYB-**

**AN: Alright, folks! So what did you think?! Thank God for actuaries! That much math would have KILLED me.**

**What do you think of Bella? Rosalie? What do you think is gonna happen next? Let me know!**

**Be safe, everyone!**

**-Bree**


	4. But I Don't Want To Talk About Her

**AN: Hello again, everyone! I was so excited about this chapter that I just HAD to get it out quickly.**

**Also, can I just give a shoutout to Postapocalypicdepository? She is awesome! Thank you for mentioning me on your facebook page!**

**I, also, created my own facebook page. Check out my profile for the link and drop me a line!**

**Chapter 4: … But I Don't Want To Talk About Her**

_O'Brien's Bar in Midtown_

"Has anyone ever told you that you look like Minnie Driver?" Emmett asked the waitress that he had spoken to earlier that evening. After his conversation with Edward, they returned to his place where he made arrangements for a double date with Edward.

"Really?" Alice asked, tilting her head. She wasn't aware that Minnie Driver ever had a pixie cut. As a matter of fact, she was pretty sure she hadn't, but she would let it slide.

"A little," Emmett replied, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

"Huh," Alice said, shrugging. "What can I get you boys?"

Edward held his hand up, "Can I get a bottle of Brooklyn Laager?"

Emmett pointed at himself. "Stoli. Rocks."

Alice raised her eyebrow, not sure if he was saying that he enjoyed Stoli or if he wanted it on the rocks. She eyed him for a moment before deciding the latter. "Alright, a Brooklyn Laager and a Stoli on the rocks," she replied, moving away from their table.

Edward sighed, directing his attention back to his brother as the waitress retreated from them. "So, where exactly did you meet this girl?"

Emmett shrugged, noncommittally. "It's hard to say where you meet people in this crazy, mixed up world."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Where did you meet her?"

Emmett smiled, gesticulating with his hands to try to prove a point. "The thing about this cacophony that we call New York is-"

Edward interrupted him. "Where, Emmett?"

Emmett quickly replied, "J-Date."

Edward's eyebrows almost reached his hairline. "The online… Jewish dating service?"

"So…?"

"You're not Jewish, Emmett."

At that moment, two girls made their way into the bar. There was a tall, blonde woman and a short brunette. Edward's eyes roamed over her, appreciatively, before directing his attention to his brother.

"SHH!" Emmett hissed, gesturing towards the tall, blonde woman.

As the two ladies made their way over to the table, Emmett murmured in a volume low enough for Edward to hear, "That's them. Listen, dude. Be cool," he said, gesturing with his hands again. "Compliment her."

Both gentlemen stood from their seats and Emmett shouted, "MAZELTOV!"

Startled, Bella and Rosalie jumped, looking over at the beast of a man. They finished making their way to him and smiled.

"You must be Rosalie Hale," Emmett greeted, extending his hand out to her.

Rosalie stuck her hand out and grasped his, shaking their joined hands slightly. "And you must be Emmett Cullen."

Emmett smiled and nodded, directing his attention to Bella. "You must be Bella...," he paused, trying to remember her abstract last name.

"Swan. Bella Swan," she replied, smiling as she extended her hand to shake his as well.

"That's right, Bella Swan. Bella, this is my brother Edward Cullen," he smiled, slapping his hand down on Edward's shoulder.

Bella directed her attention to Edward and smiled, her eyes moving over his features. This man, surely, was beautiful. Even if just a little too formally dressed.

Edward grinned and appraised her outfit. She had worn a capped sleeve dress with a wide belt around her waist. "You have a big belt," he said, by way of complimenting her.

Emmett pinched Edward's upper arm, causing him to spin his head in his brother's direction. Meanwhile, Bella looked down at her belt self-consciously.

Emmett sighed and directed his attention back to the blonde vixen before him. "We've already spoken to our waitress, so tell us what you'd like and we will let her know."

Rosalie piped up first, "A vodka cranberry with just a splash, just a _splash_, of Triple Sec."

Emmett looked at her, confused. "A splash?"

Rosalie nodded, looking at him like it was obvious as to what she was asking. "Yeah. You know one-ninth of a shot."

Bella stepped in next, "Whatever the waitress recommends, for me."

Emmett nodded and looked at Edward. "Come on, Edward." After a few steps from the table, he looked at his brother, questioningly. "A ninth of a shot?"

Back at the table, Bella and Rosalie took their seats.

"I have a big belt?" Bella muttered aloud. She peered over at Rosalie. "Where did you meet these guys?"

Rosalie let out a shot laugh, "Well you see," she paused, looking adjusting her scarf. "J-Date."

Bella spun in her friend's direction. "You're not Jewish!"

Rosalie shrugged. "So? I'm not gonna marry him. I'm just lookin' for a little mashuganuh."

Bella laughed at her friend, shaking her head. "You've lost your damn mind."

Rosalie sighed and placed her hand on Bella's forearm. "Look, Bella. I missed my rebound time. In order to do this right, I have to throw caution to the wind. The more certain that I am that I won't end up with a guy, the better. And, I am most certain that I won't end up with a man who is looking for a nice Jewish girl."

Bella smirked, a chuckle escaping her. "Rosalie Hale throwing caution to the wind?"

Rosalie's eyes sharpened on her best friend's face. "Bella Swan following the rules?" she asked, pointedly.

"Fair enough," Bella muttered, adjusting in her seat.

Moments later, Emmett and Edward made their way back to the table. "Should be just a few minutes," Emmett explained, taking his seat.

Rosalie turned slightly, to where she was facing his direction better. "So, Emmett, what do you do?"

"I peddle a pedi-cab," he replied, smiling.

"Oh? Isn't that tiring?"

"Nah. It's a piece of shit," Emmett replied.

"Piece of cake?" Rosalie supplied.

Emmett nodded, pointing his finger to Rosalie before winking at her. "Piece of cake. Rosalie, has anyone ever told you that you look like Minnie Driver?"

Rosalie's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Um… really?"

Emmett gave a crooked smile, holding his hand out in an 'eh' stance. "A little."

Alice returned to the table to hear him say this and smirked as she set their drinks down. "Maybe later, we can have a Minnie Driver look-a-like contest?" she said, sarcastically, before making her way back to the bar.

Emmett's eyes were wide before he shook it off, grabbing a hold of his drink off of the table. The others, quickly, followed suit. "L'Chaim!" He boomed, causing everyone to jump. They all tilted their drinks in toast before taking sips.

Bella decided that it was time that she joined in. "So, what do you do, Edward?"

Edward smiled, leaning forward slightly. "I'm a greeting card writer," he replied.

"Oh! Anything I would have heard of?"

"I dunno. Has anyone in your family died recently?" Edward asked, causing Bella to choke on the drink she had just begun to sip on.

While she was distracted, Emmett smacked the back of Edward's head, glaring at him.

Emmett tried to save face, directing his attention to Rosalie again. "Rosie, what do you do?"

Rosalie's nose scrunched at the nickname, but she decided she may as well go with it. Throwing caution to the wind and all of that.

"I'm an actuary," she replied.

Emmett's smile seemed to broaden. "An actuary, huh? So, how do you like studying birds?" he asked leaning in to her.

Rosalie's eyes jumped up to his, her head tilting to the side. He hadn't really just said that, had he?

"I know, I know. You probably didn't think I knew what an actuary was, did ya?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes when she looked away from him, taking another long pull from her drink. She was going to need that, and some more.

"Hey, Rosie, wanna watch me create a new high score on Ms. Pac Man?" Emmett asked, excitedly. "It'll be awesome!"

Rosalie looked at Bella, her eyes wide. Ms. Pac-man? Seriously? "Sure…" she said, hesitantly.

"This will be awesome! You've gotta see! I can get to level four!"

"Wow, that's impressive," Rosalie sighed.

The two of them rose from the table, making their way over to the game machines. This left Bella and Edward by themselves at the table.

Bella sighed, moving a chair over so she could be closer to him. It was time to make conversation.

"So, Edward, how did you get into greeting card writing?" she asked.

"Well, Bella, may I call you Bella?" he inquired, his eyes meeting hers.

"That's my name."

Edward snorted. "That it is!"

He took a second to adjust before continuing. "Well, Bella, greeting card writing is an outlet for my passion."

"And that is?"

"I write poetry. Romance, usually. I'm very romantic," he smiled. "But wait," he added. "I'm tough, too. A romantic tough guy. Sort of like Rock Hudson, but straight."

Bella nodded, her mind reeling with this information. Surely nobody could be this… odd.

"This one time, I wrote a poem for my ex-girlfriend. She said, 'That's the best thing I've ever read.' And she reads poets. Yates, Cummings, you name it. She's got all these guys bouncing around her head."

Bella smiled and nodded. "She sounds great."

The smile that crossed Edward's features was almost blinding. "She has an insight that would win a Pulitzer Prize. There's a genius in her mind that truly sparkles up her eyes. She's so smart, to be near her makes your intelligence rise… but I don't want to talk about her," he grimaced then. "So, uh, what do you do?" he asked.

Bella's fingers fiddled with her glass as she looked at him. "I'm a photographer."

Edward nodded, seeming to be interested in what she was saying. "Wow, okay. What kind of stuff do you do?" he asked again.

Bella smiled, dreamily. "I try to capture the beauty of the human spirit."

That blinding smile went back on Edward's face. "Speaking of beauty, that reminds me of my ex-girlfriend."

Bella's eyes widened. _'Seriously? No. Fucking seriously? His ex? That's what we're gonna 'not' talk about?'_ She smiled, ruefully at him, allowing him to continue.

"Oh, she was _gorgeous_! But, she never really knew it. She had this smile, I swear to God. You were blessed if you had one chance to view it. She had a look that could inspire symphonies, or cause the most stubborn man to have epiphanies. She is as entrancing as Audrey Hepburn was in Breakfast at Tiffany's… but I don't want to talk about her."

Bella had, at this point, slammed her drink down. Edward had offered her his bottle half way through his little speech and she had taken long pulls from it.

"So," she sighed, wondering what in the hell she had done to deserve this. "You've got an ex-girlfriend?"

Edward groaned and nodded, "Ugh, I don't want to talk about her."

Bella smirked and nodded. "Oh, right. Sorry," she said sarcastically, doubting he could even pick up on that. "There are some things that I don't want to talk about either."

Edward's attention seemed to be re-focused on her again. "Okay, like what?"

Bella looked into his eyes as she began. "I don't want to talk about the fact that I can't seem to find a single guy who meets all of my desires."

Edward smiled, "That's fine. Maybe we could talk about-"

Bella cut him off, continuing her speech. He had his chance to talk, damn it. Now it was hers. "I don't want to talk about the many men who have claimed that they would be 'the one,' but it turns out they're all liars."

Edward tried to interject, again. "Now, Bella-"

Bella continued, interrupting Edward yet again. "I don't want to talk about the fact that I experimented with my girlfriend, and I almost came out."

Edward's eyes widened and he quickly responded with, "We can talk about that, if you really want to."

"But there's always something missing, no matter where I search. But, that's not what I want to talk about," she finished.

Edward chuckled loudly as he looked at Bella in a newer light. "Oh, man. You're kind of a whiner."

Bella's jaw almost dropped to that floor in that moment. "I'm sorry, but wasn't it _you_ who spent the first half of this conversation talking about his _ex-girlfriend_?"

Immediately, Edward tensed and he glared at Bella. "How **dare** you bring up the topic of my ex-girlfriend?!"

Bella's eyebrows furrowed, "Yeah, but you're the… wait, WHAT?!"

"Who is gorgeous, and brilliant, by the way."

"Yeah, I heard."

Edward scoffed at her, his eyes wide. "You _know_ I'm trying not to think about it, but you throw it in my face?!"

Bella snorted, "THROW IT?!"

Edward sighed, bringing his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb. He groaned, rolling his eyes. "Now I'm all upset, and it's the fifteenth time today."

Bella laughed and rolled her eyes. "Less than I would have guessed."

Edward rolled his eyes, looking at Bella again. "I'm not the type who runs or hides."

"I see."

"I follow my plan, follow my guides."

"No matter how misguided they may be."

Edward scoffed at her again, shaking his head. "You're wrong. I know we'll be together forever. Besides, I don't want to talk about her."

Rolling her eyes, Bella muttered "Obviously."

Thankfully, Rosalie and Emmett arrived back at the table.

"So, you figure out insurance risks for birds?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah," Rosalie replied, not really paying attention. "Wait, NO! There are no birds involved."

Confused, Emmett decided to give up understanding. "Come on, Edward, let's go do some shots."

Edward nodded curtly and stood. "Bella," he said, before turning walking with Emmett to the bar.

Grabbing her purse, Bella stood and walked around the table to Rosalie, who was sidling her purse over her own shoulder.

"So," Rosalie began. "How was he?"

Bella thought for a second before grinning. "He's perfect!"

**-ILYB-**

**AN: Alright, folks! Was it what you expected? What did you think of Emmett? Edward and Bella? Even Rosalie?**

**Let me know! Be safe, everyone! I'll update again, soon!**

**-Bree (a.k.a. SBOG)**


	5. Coffee

**AN: Hello, everyone! I hope that everyone is doing well! I'm so excited to get this out to y'all!**

**Thanks to Postapocalypticdepository (my new friend and pre-reader!) for being an awesome person who shares my story, and for finding me my new BETA! Oh! And I remembered the 't' this time!**

**Thanks to Fran for being my beta and believing in this story and me!**

**Also: a shoutout to my friend Amber, who keeps me motivated on my writing. I love you, Yummayy!**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story. The reviews make me smile and keep me motivated to continue. Y'all are amazing, I tell you!**

_**Just to recap: Edward was in love with Victoria. On their weekly Saturday date night, Edward walked in on Victoria sleeping with another man. Devastated, Edward goes to drown his sorrows in alcohol. Emmett, his brother, shows up shortly after and tells him that the best way to get a woman back is to be completely indifferent and jump into another 'relationship.' He informs him that Victoria will sense that he has moved on and come back, asking to be with him. Edward hesitantly accepts this. **_

_**Meanwhile, Bella has just broken up with her boyfriend Jake and is questioning what to do. She wants to meet the love of her life, but has had no luck with men in the past. Rosalie tells her that she needs to find the absolute wrong person for her to date during her 'rebound time' of six months. Rosalie sets Bella and her up on a double date with two men named Emmett and Edward on a Jewish dating site, not that either she or Bella are Jewish.**_

_**The first meeting does not go well, however. Emmett and Rosalie go to play Pac-Man, leaving Edward and Bella alone. In an attempt to learn about each other, Edward keeps bringing up his ex-girlfriend… but he doesn't 'want to talk about her.' When Bella begins to tell him the things that she doesn't want to talk about, he calls her a whiner. Offended, she calls him out on the majority of their conversation being about his ex. He gets upset and, when Emmett and Rosalie return, leaves to do some shots with Emmett. **_

_**When Rosalie asks Bella how it went, Bella decides that Edward is the perfect 'Mr. Wrong.'**_

**Any mistakes are mine, I messed around with this when Fran was done.**

**And without further ado: I OWN NOTHING. See the first chapter for who owns rights to lyrics and music.**

**Chapter 5: Coffee**

_Emmett's Apartment – Two Weeks Later_

"My lady, may I please have this dance?" Emmett asked, reaching his hand out towards Rosalie.

Rosalie's brows furrowed as she looked at his outstretched hand before a small smirk broke along her lips. "I'm begging your pardon? This is only our second date, Mister Cullen. What kind of girl do you think I am?" she asked. She then grabs his belt loops and pulls him to her and rolls her hips against his suggestively.

Emmett had a smirk of his own then. "Well, dear Rosalie, 'tis only a dance."

"Whatever, Mister Cullen," she replied, before twirling away. She turned back to face him, tilting her head down. She then peered up at him through her lashes. "Why, Mister Cullen, are you trying to seduce me?"

Emmett smiled, making his way over towards the couch. "I'll have to lie down and think about that one," he retorted, reaching into his pocket for his breath freshening spray. He pressed the button twice, allowing the liquid to refresh his mouth**.**

Still facing towards the couch, Emmett bends down to remove the newspaper from the floor.

"Oh, Mister Cullen!" Rosalie exclaimed, launching herself at him.

As if sensing her attack, Emmett rose quickly, turning to catch her.

Rosalie jumped into his arms and Emmett screamed in agony.

"OUCH!" he shouted. "My back, my back!" Panting, he tried to figure out how to ebb the pain. "I'm going to have to lie down on the couch."

Not sensing his pain, Rosalie giggled, bringing her head back to look at him. "Nice try, lover," she purred.

Emmett was not into this anymore. "No, I'm serious. I think you ruptured my back!"

"Do you want me to _rub_ it and make it all better?" Rosalie asked, suggestively.

"NO!" Emmett exclaimed, causing Rosalie to stiffen in his arms. "I think it's better if you don't touch me right now."

Hopping into a half circle, Emmett turned to face the couch again. He dropped Rosalie out of his arms and she bounced on the cushions.

"Is this serious? Or… um… is this something you can _take for the team_?" Rosalie smirked again, a faint blush covering her cheeks. She was used to being this forward with others, but with Emmett, it seemed different … almost inappropriate.

Emmett's brows furrowed in confusion. "Who's team?"

"Our team," Rosalie replied, sliding her foot between his legs, brushing over his package with her toes.

"GO TEAM!" Emmett tried to stand up straight at this point, hoping that hisback was just in the middle of a spasm. He began to gesture for Rosalie to stand. "Get off of the couch, please."

"I'll make this as painless as possible. I promise," she purred.

Once Emmett had sat on the couch, he let out a sigh of relief. "Yay team," he muttered, bringing his finger up into a half-ass wave.

"Okay," he continued, patting his lap. "Come join me."

Rosalie sauntered over, bringing her left knee to rest outside of his right leg before swinging over and doing the same for the other side of him. As she put some weight onto his legs, Emmett screamed again, causing her to jump off him. "I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed, her hand over her heart as she looked down at him.

Looking up, Emmett sighed. "I think it's the couch. I'm going to get on the floor," he said, slowly maneuvering his body to the ground. He slid to where his legs were resting on the seat of the couch. "Now, you climb on top of me, baby."

She meandered over to him before running her hand over his leg. "That okay?"

Emmett groaned at the contact of her nails against his skin. "Oh yeah."

Rosalie placed one foot next to either side of his hips before dropping herself down atop him.

"FUCK!" Emmett screamed in agony. Rosalie stiffened, lifting her head to look down at him. "Is there any way that we can do this without you touching me?"

Her eyebrows furrowed as she gazed down at him, exasperatedly. "That kind of defeats the purpose."

He quickly came up with another idea. "Okay, I'm going to stay here. You use the couch to support your weight and lower yourself on top of me."

Rosalie removed herself from him, laughing. "Kind of like the Kama Sutra, huh?"

Emmett chuckled lightly as he laid his legs on the floor.

Rosalie placed her knees on the couch before slowly sliding her upper body down towards Emmett to kiss him. The very second that her body came in contact with him, he screamed again.

He rolled her body over until he was on his knees between her legs. "What the hell?" he asked, wiggling his hips. "It doesn't hurt anymore! You fixed me! I'm fine!"

Rosalie's eyes widened in surprise. "What?"

Emmett stood then, a smirk played across his lips. He cracked his knuckles dramatically before he dragged his feet behind him, likening a bull ready to charge. "You fixed my back, baby. Now, where were we?"

Rosalie beamed up at him, holding her arms out. "Come here, big boy," she purred.

Emmett leapt onto Rosalie, thrusting his hips against hers, letting out a torrential scream as the pain came back. This time, however, it was with a vengeance.

**-ILYB-**

_Cafe Esme – The Next Morning_

The next morning, Bella made her way into a new coffee shop, spotting Rosalie asleep at a table with her hand on a mug of cold coffee. Furrowing her brows, she made her way over to her best friend, taking a seat next to her. "Rosalie?" she whispered. When her best friend didn't stir, Bella looked around to make sure she wouldn't be disrupting other customers. "Rosalie!"

Rosalie jerked her head up, her eyes wide as she focused on Bella.

"Rosalie, are you sleeping?"

Rosalie groaned, tilting her head towards her coffee cup. "I _was_."

Bella chuckled as she crossed her legs. "Well, _forgive me._ I didn't mean to wake you up," she said sarcastically.

Rosalie glared at her. "Then why the hell did you scream my name at me?"

Ignoring Rose's question, Bella leaned in. "How's Emmett?"

Rosalie stood, beginning to make her way to the cashier. Bella stood with her, figuring she should get a drink. "Besides some weird thing with his back, he's fine. He's with a doctor now."

Bella's eyebrows creased before her curiosity was piqued. "Um… is Edward there?"

Rosalie gave her a knowing look before looking down at her watch. "Well, visiting hours aren't for another hour, so he's gonna spend some time over here. He's helping Emmett with some paperwork."

Bella sighed, watching Rosalie order a new cup of coffee to go. "And how are you doing? Aside from being up for twenty straight hours, I mean."

Rosalie snorted, crossing her arms. "Well, I'm incredibly embarrassed, to say the least."

Just then, the barista called out the order. "That's a skinny mocha latte with two-sevenths of a splash of cream?"

Rosalie made her way back over to the barista, grabbing her coffee. "Thank you."

Thinking about the situation, Bella made her way to the table Rose had been sitting at, grabbing her camera bag. "This is going to be awkward," she began. "I should go."

Before Bella could make it too far, Rosalie grabbed her hand and brought her back towards her. "Bella, we've been trying to set this up for two _weeks_, now. What did you do when you saw him at the fruit stand?"

"I chickened out."

"Mmhmm, and when we staked out of the bank, so that you could 'accidentally' bump into him, what did you do?"

"I chickened out."

"Yup. And when we got up at five in the morning so that you could run past him as he went to get the morning paper, what did you do?"

"I fell asleep."

Rosalie glared at her friend. "You fell asleep in the bushes!"

Bella sighed, exasperatedly. "This just feels kind of creepy! I mean, fuck Rose, I feel like I'm stalking him!"

Rosalie held her arms out as if to gesture the obvious. "You are. You have been for the past two weeks! Now, Bella, you may actually be doing Edward a favor. _You_ may be _his_ Ms. Wrong. That means you may be helping him take the one step towards meeting the woman of his dreams."

Bella looked down at her feet, wringing her hands together and biting her lip.

"I mean, Bella, you may help him get back with his ex-girlfriend that he loves so much."

The barista chimed in. "Ah! The 'Rock-Bottom' principal!"

Rosalie turned to face him. "Thank you…" she hesitated, not knowing his name.

"Carlisle," he replied, nodding towards the two of them.

Turning back to her friend, Rosalie smirked. "You know, Bella. Emmett's back may be the best thing that ever happened to you. Just tell Edward that you were here to give me some support. That won't look forced at all."

Bella tilted her head, thinking. "I'm just here to support Rosalie," she said to herself. She felt more confident now. "I'm just here to support Rosalie." She smirked at herself. "I'm just here to-"

Rosalie cut her off with a 'shh,' gesturing towards the door.

At that very moment, Edward made his way to a table, setting down a thermos. His attention was focused solely on the notebook he had removed from his bag and was now holding in his hands.

Rosalie turned to her friend whispering, "Bella, just try to find a way to be around him for six months. After that, you can find Mr. Right! I have to go. Call me."

With that, Rosalie made her way out of the coffee shop, heading towards the hospital.

Bella brought her eyes up to look at Edward, enjoying watching how intense he looked. She very quietlygrabbed her camera from her bag, bringing it to her eye. She removed the lens cover and got into position. After she had found the angle she wanted, she pressed the shutter button, causing the flash to go off.

Edward jumped at the bright light, letting out a startled yell. "Don't **do** that!" As he turned to face the person who scared him, his eyes landed on Bella, her camera in hand. "Oh, hi, Bella."

Bella smiled, making her way over to his table. "Hi, Edward. I am so sorry, I just couldn't resist. You were so focused and it was perfect. You had a look of consternation about you, a modern day 'Thinker.'"

Edward's brows wrinkled in confusion, "Um, I'm glad I could help?"

"I'm just here to support Rosalie." Bella blurted out, awkwardly, causing Edward to jump yet again.

"Um, what are you talking about?"

"Well, Emmett threw out his back trying to have sex with her."

Edward shook his head, even more confused. "He told me he tried to lift a forklift off an old lady."

Bella giggled, "Maybe it was a euphemism?"

Deciding not to guess what Bella meant by that, Edward sighed. "Bella, listen, about the other night at the bar-"

Bella interrupted him, moving to a closer seat so that she could see what he was working on. "Whatcha doin'?"

Edward's eyebrows creased again, looking at Bella as if it was obvious. "Uh, working?"

"You have excellent penmanship."

"Uh, thanks?"

Bella looked at the words in his notebook. "Life is like… a seagull?"

"It's not done yet."

"A seagull?"

"It's not done yet!"

"How the hell is life like a seagull?" Bella asked, pointedly.

"Well, Bella. It's not done yet. I come up with the metaphor first, and then the rest later," Edward sighed, exasperatedly.

Bella scrunched her nose, looking away from him. "Well, it doesn't sound very personal."

"It's supposed to be universal? It's a poem," Edward muttered looking back to his notebook, trying to focus.

Bella moved her head closer, trying to watch as he wrote.

"Please?" Edward asked, trying to get some privacy.

Bella sat up quickly, leaning away. "Sorry."

He brought the notebook closer to his face, trying to focus, while she brought her head back, trying to keep a glimpse of the page on which he was writing.

"Edward, you really can't try to come up with the image first and _then_ try to make it make sense. There's no heart or spontaneity if you do it that way."

Edward looked at Bella, his eyes full of condescension. "Bella, I'm a professional poet. I think I know how to write a poem for my girlfriend."

"Ex-girlfriend."

Edward grimaced, his heart clenching at her words. "Thank you," he hissed.

"Sorry," Bella whispered, instantly regretting her words.

Edward returned to his notebook, bringing the cap of his pen to his lips, biting down on the end in concentration.

"Edward, please let me help you not make an ass out of yourself. There's a big difference between a 'greeting card poem,' and a 'poem-poem.' A 'greeting card poem' is polite, there are no chances taken, but a 'poem poem' is putting your soul on the line."

"This is how I _always_ work!"

"Yeah, and I bet this is how you always live. Let's face it, how you deal with your poetry is how you deal with your ex-girlfriend. Let's see, what kind of coffee are you drinking?"

"Um, black?" he answered, hesitantly.

"Of course, there's no surprisethat way. If someone added cream or sugar, you'd have no control."

"No," he replied. "I just don't like sweet things or milk-"

Bella interrupted him, grabbing hold of the creamer that was on the table. "If I added cream to your coffee, you'd have a panic attack. Just add a little cream, just a little damn cream," she said, bringing the creamer to the mug in front of him.

Edward jerked it away from her, "No!"

"That's why you take your coffee black. Ooh, take a look at your thermos," Bella said mockingly, pointing to the one on the floor next to him. "Did you bring it from home?"

Edward nodded questioningly, looking at her.

"Of course you brought it from home. You had it when you walked in the door."

Edward sighed, moving away from her. "Big deal, so I know how I like my coffee, and I've got ways I get things done. I could sit here and list them, 'cus I've got a system. And, maybe it's not 'spontaneous,'" he continues, moving his hands dramatically. "But it works, for me and my coffee. If you think that it's stupid, you're wrong. Now, Bella, I'm actually incredibly busy, if you don't mind-"

Interrupting him again, Bella brought her camera up when he wasn't looking at her. "Freeze!"

"What?"

"Say 'cheese!'"

Blinking as the flash went off in his face, he slammed his notebook down. "So, how do _you_ take your coffee?"

Blushing, Bella looked down. "Well, that depends on when."

"What?"

"I ask the barista, it's up to them."

"Doesn't he find out your favorite?" Edward chuckled to himself. "Doesn't that hurt your device?"

Smirking, Bella shook her head. "No, he never does. And you want to know why he never does? Because I never go to the same place twice."

Edward's eyes widened, questioning her sanity. "What?"

"I never go to the same place twice, Edward. See, I know how I like my coffee, and I've got ways to keep things new. I'm always exploring so life's never boring. Well," she paused, looking over at him. "Not as boring as you. So being crazy with coffee is a useful skill. You can't deny it. Perhaps, if you tried it, you wouldn't be drinking _alone_."

Edward looked away from her, staring out of the window as he tried to formulate his thoughts.

At this point, Bella grabbed his coffee mug, seeing he wasn't paying attention. She tipped the cup, pouring scalding hot coffee onto the leg of his slacks.

"OW! THAT'S HOT, DAMN IT!"

"It hurts, doesn't it? You know everything that you can about that cup of coffee. Someone took one look at something that was well planned out and made it into something that hurt. Sound familiar?" Bella asked, crossing her arms in triumph.

Having had enough, Edward grabbed his cell phone out of his satchel. "I'm going to get Victoria back." He stood from the table, scrolling to her name.

"Edward, she's going to think you're insane! The seagull thing is a disaster. Besides, it's not even done."

"I'm going to improvise."

"Oh, God," Bella groaned. "Improv? Well, I can guarantee you, she's gonna say, 'Edward, that's nice, but you're kind of creeping me out.'"

Holding his hand up to silence her, Edward held the phone to his ear, his breath catching when Victoria answered.

"Victoria, hi. Look, I know things have been tough. I just wanted to say something: Life is like a pickle. It starts out smooth with no imperfections. But, as it ages, surrounded by other pickles, it becomes something pregnant women crave. And it craves them. I love you," he pauses, listening to what she has to say.

Bella focused her gaze on his eyes, seeing a flash of hurt before a mask of impassivity went over his features.

"Okay. Sure, fine. Okay! I'll talk to you again soon. Bye bye," he finished, shoving his phone into his pocket.

Bella, who had covered her mouth in an attempt to not laugh, looked over at him. "What did she say?"

He looked up from his phone, gazing at her intently. "She said 'Edward, that's nice.'"

"And?"

"And, you're kind of freaking me out," they continued simultaneously.

"I told you that," Bella said, pointedly.

"I know."

"I could tell you what to do next, but, I don't know what I'm talking about, so," she said, standing before retrieving her bag.

Her words sunk in then. _'Maybe she knows what she's talking about,'_ Edward thought to himself. As she placed her bag on his shoulder, he felt a wave of desperation roll over him. He stood abruptly, grabbing her arm to halt her exit. "Whoa, whoa. I'm sorry that I made fun of your coffee," he began, dropping to his knees to plead to her.

"Bella, you're absolutely right. I don't know what I'm doing here. Obviously what I'm doing isn't working. I'd like to try things your way. I'm, literally, begging you here."

Bella groaned, trying to remove her hand from his sticky one. "You're also covered with coffee."

"I know."

Sighing, Bella helped him stand. "Stop freaking out, it's okay. This isn't that tragic, I'll help you. I'm magic … and you just have to do what I say."

Edward smiled brightly, grabbing onto her upper arms. "I cannot believe you. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you."

Bella smiled, pulling away from him. "I'll call you tomorrow?"

"Bella, I am going to write you the best 'Thank You' card that you have ever read."

Nodding with wide eyes, Bella stepped away from awkward Edward and into the brisk air of New York City.

'_There, Bella. Now you've got him. Just hold onto him for six months and you will find the love of your life,' _she thought to herself. Her heart fluttered at the thought as she made her way to the edge of the sidewalk to hail a cab. _'Who knows? Maybe you'll even help Edward find his.'_

**-ILYB-**

**A/N: Well, folks! What do you think? Did you love Edward's improve poem? It slays me, personally.**

**Stay safe everyone, until next time!**

**-Bree (a.k.a. SBOG)**


	6. The Perfect Romance

**AN: Hey everyone. I apologize for how long this chapter took to get out to you. I got sick and then it was just crazy! But this should more than make****up for my absence. There are some time jumps, and I'll make sure everyone is aware of them. **

**Special thanks to my pre-reader PostApocalypticDepository who helps me remember that not everyone has seen this show, haha! I'm truly blessed to have met you, dear.**

**Also special thanks to Fran, my beta. I adore you, lady. Thank you for everything that you do for me. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, or any of the lyrics used in this chapter. The credit for these are in chapter one. **

**Now, let's hear from our supporting characters before we get to the main couple, shall we?**

**Chapter 6: The Perfect Romance**

**-ILYB-**

_**From Chapter 5:**_

"_Bella, you're absolutely right. I don't know what I'm doing here. Apparently what I'm doing isn't working. I'd like to try things your way. I'm literally begging you here."_

_Bella groaned, trying to remove her hand from his sticky one. "You're also covered with coffee."_

"_I know."_

_Sighing, Bella helped him stand. "Stop freaking out, it's okay. This isn't that tragic, I'll help you. I'm magic … and you just have to do what I say."_

_Edward smiled brightly, grabbing onto her upper arms. "I cannot believe you. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you."_

_Bella smiled, pulling away from him. "I'll call you tomorrow?"_

"_Bella, I am going to write you the best 'Thank You' card that you have ever read."_

_Nodding with wide eyes, Bella stepped away from awkward Edward and into the brisk air of New York City._

'_There, Bella. Now you've got him. Just hold onto him for six months and you will find the love of your life,' she thought to herself. Her heart fluttered at the thought as she made her way to the edge of the sidewalk to hail a cab. 'Who knows? Maybe you'll even help Edward find his.'_

**-ILYB-**

_O'Brien's Bar in Midtown - The Next Day_

Emmett, Rosalie, Bella, and Edward all sat together as the waitress, Alice, set each of their shots down before them.Once she left, Edward picked his up to toast, everyone quickly following suit.

"Here's to Emmett getting out of the hospital."

Emmett smiled and nodded. "I'm just glad that old lady is free of the forklift."

Edward sighed, "Emmett, I know what actuallyhappened."

Emmett's eyes widened as he turned his head. "Rosalieeeeee," he whined.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and handed him his pill bottle. "Have a pain killer," she muttered to which Emmett quickly replied, "Okay."

Emmett placed a pill in his mouth, swallowing it with the help of his shot of Tequila; the others joined, grimacing at the burn.

Turning his attention to Bella, Edward reached into his pocket. "Bella, I have my first draft of my heart-felt personal poem-poem," he said in a sing-song way.

Everyone at the table straightened and directed their attention to him.

"All right, Edward. Let's hear it," Bella said, a smile gracing her lips.

Edward nodded, opening his notebook to the correct page before beginning. "Life is like a-"

"Stop!" Bella interrupted, causing Edward to jump and look at her.

"But, Bella, I haven't even gotten to the beautiful metaphor yet."

Bella sighed, shaking her head and looking away from him. "Edward, no heart-felt poem has ever started with 'life is like a.' You can't just write universal, tired clichés." She paused, thinking, before directing her eyes back to him. "Look, what's the funniest thing that ever happened with you and Victoria?"

Edward smiled, looking down at his lap. "Well, with Victoria, everything was funny."

Emmett reached over and slapped his palm on Edward's back, causing Edward to flinch. "Tell her about the dinner reservation!"

Edward smirked, shaking his head. "No," he began before Emmett insisted again. "Okay," he continued, a lop-sided grin erupting on his face as he looked back at Bella. He began to laugh. "This one time," he paused, not able to control the laughter anymore. "The restaurant had us down for a reservation at 7:15." He laughed again, placing his hand on Bella's forearm as if that was going to make it funnier. "So, when we got there, we knew we were on time, but the restaurant thought we were late!"

His merriment could not be contained anymore as full-bellied laughs rippled through him. He tilted his head back as a few stray tears fell from the corners of his eyes. Emmett joined in with the laughter, slapping his hand on the table twice for emphasis.

Bella's eyebrows furrowed as she tried to get the joke. She looked over at Rosalie, who had the same exasperated look on her face as Bella pictured was on hers. "Um, okay… Write about that?"

Once Edward and Emmett's laughter had ceased, Emmett looked at his brother with a serious face. "I've got one! How about 'Roses are red, violets are blue. Remember when you cheated on me? Blow me!'"

Edward scowled at his brother, shaking his head. "How about-"

Before Edward could continue, Rosalie interrupted him. "Hey, Emmett. Want to help me get a high score in Ms. Pac-man? It'll be amazing!"

"Awesome!" Emmett exclaimed as he stood, reaching his hand for Rosalie's. "We're gonna go get us another round."

As Rosalie and Emmett walked away, Bella sighed, grabbing her purse and standing. Edward stood as well, his eyes boring into her.

"So… 'Life is like a dinner reservation?'" Edward questioned, causing Bella to roll her eyes.

"You're better off with the 'Blow me' poem," she said, walking away with Edward hot on her heels.

**-ILYB-**

_Café Esme – The Next Morning_

Alice and Jasper made their way into the coffee shop, just as Esme came from the back room with a tray full of scones. "Hello, baby girl," Esme said, placing the tray down before rounding the counter to hug her daughter. "Hello, Jasper," she smiled, embracing him as well.

"Good morning, Mom. Can I get a chamomile tea and a scone before I go to bed?" Alice asked, exhausted from a long night at the bar.

Esme made her way behind the counter, grabbing a cup for Alice's tea. "And what for you, Jasper?"

Jasper smiled, nodding his head at Alice's mother. "May I get a small cup of coffee and a scone as well, ma'am?" he asked, his tired voice hinting at his southern drawl.

Esme nodded and grabbed another cup for him. "You two go sit down and I'll bring this to you," she smiled, waving her hand towards the empty tables and chairs.

"How much, Miss Esme?" Jasper asked, reaching into his back pocket while Alice reached into her purse for her own wallet. "Alice, darlin', I got this."

Alice's eyes flitted up to his, widened at his offer to pay for her. "You don't have to do that, Jasper. I've got it."

Jasper shook his head, holding his hand up to stop her. "I'm your boss, the least I can do is buy you a cup of tea and some… well, I guess this wouldn't be dinner, technically."

Carlisle made his way out from the back and smiled at his daughter and Jasper. "Hello, you two. Go sit down, no charge," he said, putting the kibosh on either of them paying.

"Are you sure? I really don't mind," Jasper asked. At this, Carlisle and Esme just waved them off.

Resigned, Jasper put his wallet back in his pocket and held his hand out in a gesture to Alice that said, _'pick a seat.'_

Alice smiled, making her way over to the table and dropping into a chair. "Holy shit, my feet are hurting today!" she exclaimed, placing her feet in the chair opposite her at the square table.

"Mary Alice!" Esme exclaimed, causing Alice to mutter a 'Sorry, Mom,' and for Jasper to chuckle.

He took a seat to her left and stretched his legs out. "Yeah, that group had you running last night."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Oh, you mean the idiot, the blonde, the photographer, and Mister 'Everything-Reminds-Me-Of-My-Ex-Girlfriend?'" She laughed, shaking her head.

Holding a tray with their orders, Esme made her way over to the table, nudging Alice's legs off of the chair. Carlisle followed behind carryingtwo mugs of his own. As Esme set their orders down, she put the tray on the table next to them, taking a seat across from Alice. Carlisle took the only available seat and placed one cup in front of his wife, smiling at her before taking a sip of his own.

"Mom, let me tell you about this couple last night. One of them is so hung up on his ex-girlfriend that it's ridiculous. The other girl is only with him because she wants to wait out her 'rebound time.' He is this straight-laced guy who follows structure. She is this free-spirit photographer who 'follows her heart.' I swear these two won't make it six days, much less six months."

Esme smiled, looking over at Carlisle. "It's the perfect romance."

Carlisle chuckled and nodded his head. He directed his attention to his daughter. "The fact that they are so unlike each other is what makes them perfect for one another. I guarantee you they will make it. We actually know who you're talking about. They were in here yesterday. It was quite a scene."

Esme interjected, laughing at the memory. "When he called his ex-girlfriend and improvised that poem about life being like a pickle? I swear that was one of the funniest things I have ever seen and heard."

Alice shook her head, swallowing the last of her scone. "I don't know Mom. I think that they are just too different. I know that they say 'opposites attract' and all of that, but his head is so far up his ass, he wouldn't know his hand from his elbow!"

Jasper chuckled, downing the last of his coffee and scone. "I think Miss Esme and Mister Carlisle have a point here. I'm interested to see how it plays out."

Alice downed the rest of her tea before she stood. "Thanks guys. I'm dead on my feet. I'm going to head home and crash." She bent down and kissed her parents' cheeks, giving them small side-hugs.

Jasper rose as well, shaking Carlisle's hand and placing a kiss on Esme's cheek. "I'm gonna head out, too, actually. Thank you both for breakfast … or dinner."

Esme smiled and nodded. "You two go get your rest and we'll see you tomorrow morning?"

Alice nodded and grabbed her purse, turning towards the door as Jasper walked beside her.

"May I walk you home, Alice?"

"Sure," she smiled, her hands sliding into her pockets as they made their way down the street towards her apartment.

**-ILYB-**

_Café Esme – One Month Later_

Bella smiled as she poured cream into Edward's coffee.

She was proud of him for trying.

He stirred the beverage before bringing it up to his lips and taking a tentative swallow. He grimaced as he set the cup down. Quickly, he rearranged the features on his face to a smile. "Thank you," he said, through gritted teeth.

Bella nodded and looked toward the art on the wall, wondering if he would notice or if she would need to point it out.

Edward reached into his satchel, pulling out his notebook. "So, Bella, I have the next draft of my heart-felt poem-poem. It doesn't even start with 'Life is like a.'"

When she didn't respond, he followed her gaze over to the wall. He spotted a picture of himself looking very much in deep thought. "Is that the photo you took the day that you spilled coffee all over me?"

Bella nodded, a triumphant smile playing across her lips. "Yup! I brought it in and the owner said that he liked the look of consternation on your face. He even called it a 'modern day 'Thinker.''"

Edward smiled, "It's your first New York exhibition."

"Yup! And then another photographer saw it and asked me to join this 'Young New Artists Supporting Other Artists Foundation.'"

Edward's smile was beaming as he placed his hand on her arm. "That's great, Bella, I'm proud of you." He paused for a moment. "… May I say I'm proud of you?"

"You may," she replied with a smile.

"Well, Isabella, I'm proud of you."

Bella felt her cheeks redden at his compliment. It had been a very long time since someone had said those words to her. "Thank you."

There was a moment of awkward silence before Bella cleared her throat. "All right, Edward. Let's see whatcha got."

"Right, right. So, uh, I took your advice: start with her name and then say what you actually want to say."

"Correct," she said, nodding for him to continue.

He opened his notebook to the page and smiled. "Victoria."

"Right."

"How are you?"

"Okay…"

"Life is like a-"

"No! Wrong, Edward, Wrong."

He sighed, dropping the notebook on the table. "But, Bella," he whined. "I didn't get to the beautiful metaphor yet."

Bella groaned, rubbing her hand over her face in exasperation. "You know what, Edward? They are playing classic romantic films all night over at the Village East Theatre. Let's go there and maybe you can get some ideas on how to be romantic without being all … lame about it."

Edward grabbed his phone. "All right. Let's look at the listings and see what time is good."

"Why don't we just let fate decide?"

"Um, because of Moviephone?"

"Fate," Bella prompted, pointing towards the door.

"Moviephone."

"Fate."

"Moviephone."

"Fate!"

"Okay, fine. Fate it is." Edward surrendered, exasperation laced throughout his tone. As they reached the door, he smiled. "Psych. Moviephone."

As the door shut behind the couple, Esme chuckled. She looked over at Carlisle and he returned her knowing smile with one of his own.

Together, they uttered the same three words:

"The perfect romance."

**-ILYB-**

**AN: Okay, folks! What do you think?! The next chapter will be very long. It's two songs in one. I was originally going to do that with this one, but I think it will make more sense the other way. **

**Let me know what you think and I'll get the next chapter out soon.**

**Until next time, be safe everyone.**

**-Bree (a.k.a. SBOG)**


End file.
